Surprise

Last week I was given an awesome early birthday present: a train ticket to go up to my old church for Ascension. Plans were made last Monday night for me to come up that Wednesday and stay until that Saturday. I had known about it when I wrote my last post but it was a surprise and didn't want to say anything. It was EXTREMELY hard keeping it a secret for two days until arriving at church for Vespers Wednesday night. I am good at keeping other people's secrets but have a hard time keeping my own :-) My train left early in the morning and my gram was gracious enough to drive me to the station and see me off. Her sister came to stay with her for a few days so I wasn't too worried. Aunt E's son was at one of the local hospital's for surgery. (But more on that later.)

The train ride was uneventful for the most part, except I now know that train bathrooms are not the most fun. It was a relief getting back on stable ground, though I still felt like I was being jostled around. I sat in the lobby and watched people while waiting for my second train. There was a group of Amish families in the lobby as well and I had the pleasure of watching an Amish man pick food out of his beard and eat it. There was another family who spoke Arabic, which was nice to listen to. The second train ride was fun because I was able to sit on the north side, allowing me to see Lake Michigan when we passed by. We stopped in New Buffalo, MI and went right by the lighthouse and marina. My friend D picked me up from the station with his baby boy, J, who I met for the first time (outside the womb). We got back to their house in time to make dinner, a vegan enchilada recipe that was quite tasty. My friend's wife, L, came home and we eventually left for church. We were a little late so I wasn't able to talk to my friends until after the service. None of them had seen me since before I left for Morocco over eight months ago. My godmother and her husband were able to make the trip up from Kentucky; I wasn't sure if they were going to be there so it was a nice surprise from them too.

Several priests from local parishes came to celebrate with us

 As mentioned in a previous post, Ascension was a special day for my church for two reasons: My church was named after the Ascension of Christ, making that day its namesday and the new alter was going to be consecrated as well. The service began early Thursday morning with the Consecration service followed by Divine Liturgy. We had a big lunch afterwards and I was able to talk more with my friends. Several of us went out for ice cream. My godparents went home that afternoon so it was nice to spend a little while longer with them. I used to live in their basement and it's hard not having them around. After getting back to my friends' home, D and I weeded part of the garden with the help of the kids from next door. They really worked hard. It was quite warm outside but I wasn't ready to get another sunburn so I borrowed a long sleeve shirt and baseball cap from D. L made AMAZING zucchini pancakes for dinner and thankfully, I had time to write down the recipe.

Both L & D had to work Friday and had me babysit little J. He is a fairly easy-going little muffin when full and wearing a clean diaper. I was trying to clean around the house when he wanted to snuggle so I carried him around in his sling; I felt like a Native American woman carrying a papoose. This was the first time I learned how to change a cloth diaper. After D came home, he showed me how to play Diablo 3 which is an AWESOME game to play, though D will tell you that I was quite skittish. L came home from work and they put together a shopping list for the weekend since they were in charge of coffee hour after church on Sunday. We went to Sam's Club and Meijer; which happen to be two of my favorite stores. Years ago, Gram and I went to SC for groceries and came out with groceries and a new printer. At Sam's Club I pushed J in the cart while L & D went looking for what they needed to buy. Lots of people made comments about how cute J was. After getting back to the house, D and I went back into the garden to plant beans, though without the help of the neighbor kids this time. I also had time to go to my old workplace and see some old friends for a few minutes.

He was comfortable for a long time :-)

Saturday came too quickly and it was time for me to pack up and leave. But before I could go, however, I helped make potato salad for coffee hour. I've never made p-salad to feed 50-60 people before. The original recipe called for 5 lbs. of potatoes and 8 boiled eggs, among other ingredients. We doubled the recipe and I lost track of the number of potatoes I cut up. Making it literally took all morning and I was still trying to get it finished when it was time to head to the train station. L worked all morning so she couldn't go to the station with us. My train was on time and we got to Union Station a few minutes early. The lobby was extremely crowded and I had an even longer wait this time. I was extremely exhausted but was afraid of falling asleep and missing my stop. At one point Gram texted me that we had to hurry Aunt E to the hospital after they picked me up. Her son had two surgeries on his brain during the week and he had been recovering from them when he suffered a stroke. Gram stopped at home on the way so Aunt E could grab some stuff and I was allowed to stay home. On Sunday, I took Aunt E back to the hospital but she wasn't able to stay very long. As of right now, he is able to move certain limbs and he gave the nurse a thumbs up yesterday. Aunt E went home yesterday but is coming again tomorrow. I think she's going to be staying with us off and for a while. It's nice that she has Gram around. My stepdad is in the area this week and he's taking us out to dinner tonight. He and my mom are hoping to come down together at the end of next month. It'll be nice to finally get my summer clothes and shoes.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Busy Week

I've realized that it's been almost a week since my last post. It's been hectic and this week will be just as busy. Several things going on over the next few days will keep me from posting again as I will be away from my computer. Long story short, I went to two high school baseball games, a graduation and a graduation party, and a birthday party. It was an extremely stressful weekend and I ended up having a tension headache throughout. 

I've spent the last couple of days getting ready for my gram's sister's visit. I thought she was only going to be here for a day but she called us today asking if she could stay until Saturday or Sunday. The kitchen and living room are spotless, as is my bedroom where my aunt will be sleeping. When we have company I usually sleep on the floor in the living room. It's not the most comfortable place to sleep but it's better than the sofa bed. However, I do have plans that will keep me out of the house for a good portion of the time my aunt is here. Ascension is Thursday so I'll be in church most of the morning. My camera is fully charged so I can take lots of pictures :-)

All of my shows are done with for the season. No more Once Upon A Time (great ending), Bones (bad ending), 2 Broke Girls (funny ending), and Sherlock (pure awesomeness). Sunday night's episode of Sherlock was AMAZING, though I'm grateful I knew the background of the Holmes' stories beforehand. Otherwise the first few moments of the episode would have made me mad. The following is one of my favorite scenes in the series:

Molly:You're a bit like my dad. He's dead. Oh, sorry. 

Sherlock: Molly please don't feel the need to make conversation. It's really not your area. 

Molly: When he was dying he was always cheerful, he was lovely, except when he thought no one could see. I saw him once...he looked sad. 

Sherlock: Molly. 

Molly: You look sad. When you think he can't see you. Are you ok? And don't just say you are because I know what that means looking sad when you think no one can see you. 

Sherlock: But you can see me. 

Molly: I don't count. What I'm trying to say is if there's anything I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me. No, I just mean, I mean if there's anything you need. It's fine. 

Sherlock: But what could I need from you? 

Molly: Nothing. I don't know.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to write more.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Folk-Tales and Fables of Old Russia

This tale was quoted in a book I'm currently reading by John Crowley, The Translator. It says that this fable was printed in 1942 in a book called Folk-Tales and the Fables of Old Russia. I've tried to find it online but it might be out of print or not even exist.

Once, God and the Devil contended for Rus, and the Devil won. Going happily to collect his prize, the Devil found the way barred. God had decided that after all the Devil could not have the souls of the people. All else he could take from them, but not their souls. The Devil complained that it wasn't fair, and God admitted that (thank God) things aren't always fair. So the Devil set himself up in state, and demanded that the people of Rus come before him , and each deliver up to him the things he loved best. In his rage at having been cheated he was most exacting, and Death sat at his side and kept the books. The Devil took from the miser his money, from the Tsar his triple crown, from the Patriarch his staff, from the mother the love of her child. One by one they came before him and went away weeping and sorrowing. At length one young lad came before him who appeared to have little to yield up. The Devil demanded of him what he loved best, whatever it was. The boy pleaded to be spared; he offered to give the Devil anything else, even the sum of all that he had. Take his clothes and his hat; take his felt boots, and he will walk barefoot in the winter; take the sight of his eyes. No, the Devil wanted none of that; he would be put off with no substitutes. He wanted what the boy loved best. And what was it? At last the boy told the Devil what it was. A song? the Devil asked. It's my own, the boy said weeping. My very own song I have made. Well, the Devil said, let's have it. Begging and weeping were no use, and so at last the boy lifted his voice and sang. For a time everyone ceased bewailing to listen. The Devil listened, his clawed hand cupped behind his ear. Even Death held still to hear. Mine, said the Devil when the song was done. Mine forever and ever. Next! The boy hung his head in grief and went away. But not so long afterward, among the poor people of Rus from whom so much had been taken, that song began again to be heard. The boy had fooled the Devil, and had still kept what it was he had given away: for that's the way it is with a song, as everyone but the Devil knows. The boy sang the song in the deserted roadways and in the villages from which every beloved cow had been taken. And by and by, in the woods where no flower grew and in the empty churches and even in the desolate courts of the Tsar, the little song could be heard , a song about nothing that filled the eyes with tears and the throat with joy to hear. So the people of Rus had a song at least to comfort them in those days. But still life was very hard, since the Devil had taken every other thing that anyone loved away. And in the end, of course, one way and another, he got a good number of their souls as well.

 Wow! Anything I could say about this would take away from how awe-inspiring this is. I hope others enjoy it as much as me.

~Staci~

Just Thinking

If I Could Be Where You Are 
Enya


Where are you this moment?
only in my dreams.
You're missing, but you're always
a heartbeat from me.
I'm lost now without you,
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching, I keep hoping,
but time keeps us apart.


Is there a way I can find you,
is there a sign I should know,
is there a road I could follow
to bring you back home?


Winter lies before me
now you're so far away.
In the darkness of my dreaming
the light of you will stay.


If I could be close beside you
If I could be where you are
if I could reach out and touch you
and bring you back home
Is there a way I can find you
Is there a sign I should know
Is there a road I could follow
to bring you back home to me

Mothers and Mothering

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had nine children: 4 boys and five girls, all of whom survived childhood and were married off for political advancements. The last child was Princess Beatrice who was only a toddler when her father died. Queen Victoria, who was madly in love with her husband, was understandably distraught and closed herself off from most people. Princess Beatrice eventually became her closest companion as she grew older and watched all of her siblings leave home. Her mother felt that Beatrice belonged with her and never considered marrying her off. Though the queen eventually allowed a marriage to take place, Beatrice was already 28 years old, quite old to be marrying at that time. (She and her husband had to agree to live with the queen.) But Beatrice spent most of her young adult life believing that she would always be taking care of her mother and accepted that fate.

Have I accepted my fate? Will I always be the one to take care somebody else? Who will be there to take care of me when I am old?

I have always wanted something I didn't have and not been grateful for what I possessed. I focus on the negative instead of the positive. It would be great to have a stable job and someday I would love to own a house and be able to pay off my student loans (though I'm grateful that everything else is paid for) without having to deal with the daily fear and stress of it. And most of all, I want a family of my own, instead of just being on the outskirts of other families. But do I actually deserve any of these things?

The short answer is, of course, no. I don't deserve these blessings. I've made a mess of all of the opportunities that have been given to me over the last few years, professionally and personally, and have been such a burden to my friends and family. And now I am in Illinois taking care of my grandmother. There are many blessings in this but sometimes it's hard to see them. I feel like my family has left me here to take care of everything by myself, though it's nice that my uncle mows the lawn. One less thing for me to do. But I'm turning into my gram's mother.Seriously. Among other things, I stay up at night when she's sick, I chide her for not listening to her doctors and when she tries to do too much, and I tuck her into bed at night. I'm also turning into a spinster. The running joke in my family is that I would live to be an old lady living in a third-floor apartment with 12 cats and crocheted-covered mismatched furniture. And this was before I even started crocheting. As much as I fight for a different kind of life, and aside from having 12 cats, would that life be any less important than if I had a job, a house, and a family of my own?

When I was Protestant, I was under the impression that I needed to hear God's voice to find my calling. Since becoming Orthodox, I've learned that God's call isn't necessarily a specific job or blueprint I have to follow step by step in order to please Him. It's much simpler (or harder, depending on how you look at it) than that. God wants us to take whatever we have and give it to Him. Whatever job we have, He wants us to glorify Him with it. And that's something I have had trouble with. With things the way they are now, it is difficult to remain Orthodox and have that desire to do so. Orthodoxy isn't just my faith, it's a way of life, or at least it should be. My spiritual father once told me that if you never go through a "desert" in your Christian walk, then you will never grow spiritually. Maybe this is just one of the deserts I have to go through. Right now, I can rarely get to church to be with my Orthodox family, fasting was ridiculously hard during Lent, and my prayer life is also suffering. What used to be important to me isn't as important now. Orthodoxy is no longer the way I live my life, though I'm desperately trying to hold on. A good friend once told me that when I became Orthodox, it wasn't just a piece of paper that was signed, but that I was anointed into the Body of Christ. And that can't be taken lightly or erased.

Until next time,

~Staci~

A Post of Pictures

Since my last post was so long, I've decided to have a shorter post with pictures instead :)

About 2 months ago I read an article in a magazine about decorating rooms and other craft ideas involving chalkboard paint. I went to the hardware store last week and bought a quart of chalkboard paint that was 50% off. The store received a special order for it months ago but it was never picked up and they wanted to get it out of the store. Woot. Unfortunately my gram won't let me doing anything drastic with it in her house, but I've made myself a mini chalkboard using a cookie sheet I bought at the dollar store.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

It took almost no time to paint, though I had to wait at least four hours in between coats. I still have to wait another day before it's ready to be used. And I've decided to crochet a border around the edge, it's just a matter of deciding which yarn to use. Only a little paint was used up so there's more in case I can think of something else to do with it (or Gram lets me make a chalkboard in the kitchen).

Gram and I went to the Bradley-ISU softball game Saturday afternoon and I got too much sun on my arms, hands, and the back of my neck and have been pretty sore since then. I'm determined to not let the sun hit my skin for the rest of the summer. I went around Morocco in the heat and humidity in long sleeve shirts so I think I can handle it for an Illinois summer.

I took this right after we got home from the game.

This fan has been my best friend. My arms turned into two little furnaces that wouldn't cool down unless I was directly in front of the fan. Needless to say, I didn't stray to far from my room for the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday. Gram's poor aloe plant also has some leave missing from it as I've been cutting them open and rubbing them on my arms. Poor Gram has been putting up with my whiny attitude too. She deserves a medal.

Gram and I made homemade chicken salad last week and found an odd-looking, multi-layered celery stalk:

For some reason it reminds me of something from Dr. Seuss...

I've been working on our vegetable garden. More or less, Gram tells me what to do and where to put things and I do it. So far we've planted cabbage, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers (for me), and green peppers. We'll also be planting different types of beans and zucchini. I also planted basil in our flower garden. Our rhododendron bush flowered nicely right around Pascha:

 
A new season of Sherlock on Masterpiece Mystery! (PBS) began last night. It was certainly an exciting episode, which makes me sad that the season is only 3 episodes long.

There's not much to report. I'm still hoping to make it back to Michigan soon but we'll see if it happens or not. There supposedly is a new coffee shop in town not to far away from us. I have yet to explore that area.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Rainy Days, Rice Cookers, and Random Topics

It's now Tuesday and we haven't had a sunny day since Saturday, and even that day was mostly cloudy. I can't say whether the weather is affecting my mood or I'm happy about the weather because of my mood. Somebody contacted me about a job last week for a technical writing position. I was EXTREMELY interested in the job even though I felt extremely unqualified for it. And I was amazed that THEY contacted me first; I never applied for it. The lady asked for an updated resume and a time I would be available for a phone interview. So far, I haven't heard back from her. We'll see what becomes of that.

I would like a rice cooker. We have mountains of rice that we haven't used and Gram keeps buying more, thinking that she'll actual use it for something. I finally found quinoa last week at one of the local groceries stores. We have another fast coming up in June and I hope to have a cooker before then. Gram is still thinking about it and we're both doing some price comparisons. We found a nice one on sale at Kohl's but Gram wasn't ready to take the plunge.

We've had some company recently. Last week, Gram's sister came to stay overnight which is always a real treat, literally and figuratively speaking. It's nice having somebody else here to pick on Gram for me, plus she takes us out to eat. Usually Gram is picking on me but Aunt Elaine helps me out a little. Sunday night, my cousin and her boyfriend came over for dinner and a game of Scrabble. I did the dishes instead of playing but I helped out Jessi and Gram because they were getting badly beat by Jon. When I lived here the last time, Gram was taught how to play Settlers of Catan. It's my favorite board game though I am horrible at it. Although I am bad at teaching the rules, I hope Gram is willing to learn how to play it again. My mom was coerced into playing it too and she won,  which made me hesitant to play it again. It might be fun getting everybody over here to play it since I also have the expansion pack for it. Another cousin came over for dinner and dessert last night. Gram absolutely adores the whole chicken from Sam's Club so we had plenty extra. And my cousins' parents are out of town on vacation so Gram is keeping an eye on them. My stepdad is coming tomorrow night for dinner. He travels a lot for work and has clients in the area. He'll be here again at the end of the month too. 

I miss my mom, my friends, and pretty much all of Michigan in general. Every so often I see commercials for Michigan tourism. I feel almost as isolated from Michigan as I did when I was in Morocco. It would be nice getting up there for Ascension later this month as it's my church's namesday. Orthodox churches are named after certain feasts or saints and each have a namesday in which to celebrate. Every person also takes on the name of a particular saint when they convert. My patron saint is St. Joanna the Myrrhbearer, one of the women who followed Christ and went to anoint His body after his Crucifiction. My first of two namesdays was last Sunday when we commemorated the Holy Myrrhbearing Women. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to church that morning but it turned out to be a good day. My other namesday is in June but that falls during the Apostles' Fast. 

I need to start drinking some chamomile tea before going to bed. Sometimes, I get these really random nightmares, the kind where I'm being hunted and/or murdered. Yeah, really pleasant stuff. Anything I read or see on tv can be twisted into some sort of nightmare. If I remember them in the morning, I can usually figure out where they came from. 

"Gnomeo & Juliet" and "Despicable Me" are two movies that I watch constantly. My cousin let me borrow DM a couple of weeks ago and I haven't returned it yet. (Sorry Jessi! This is what you get for getting me hooked on Jolly Rancher Suckers!) Those minions are HILARIOUS and I usually have it playing when doing others things. I was able to record G&J on the DVR several weeks ago and usually watch it when I'm washing dishes. Having been an English major, and having plenty of Shakespeare beaten into my brain, I find the wordplay in this movie to be quite clever. The following are some of my favorite quotes:

Lady Bluebury: My, your tulips are looking a little limp this year, aren't they?
Lord Redbrick: Oh! I don't like what you're incinerating.
Lady Bluebury: The proper word is "insinuating", illiterate.
Lord Redbrick: I am not illiterate! My parents were married!

and

Juliet: Oh, Gnomeo, Gnomeo, are we really doomed to never see each other again? Why must you wear a blue hat? Why couldn't it be red like my father, or green like... like a leprechaun... or purple like, ummm, like some weird guy - I mean what's in a gnome? Because you are blue, my father sees red, and because I am red, I am feeling blue. Oh, at any rate that shouldn't be the thing to keep us apart, should it?

From Despicable Me, I like the following (plus a whole bunch more):

Gru: Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
Gru: It's just that your face is so... Como un burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Why, thank you!

and

Gru: [reading book] "Three little kittens love to play. They had fun in the sun all day. Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed'."
[looks up]
Gru: Wow, this is garbage. You actually like this?

What started out as a bad day turned into a semi-good one. Gram was able to press on the bad spots on my neck for a moment and now I'm able to crack it again. The library received a book that I had interlibrary loaned. I'm now reading two more books by John Crowley and am hoping I can understand at least one of them. I just finished the Books of Tobit and Judith; it was the first time I read all of both of them. Tobit is such a beautiful story and Judith was quite interesting and will probably write about Tobit in a later post. I received a call from a dear friend, my godsister's husband while he was on his lunch break. I was also able to chat with another friend this evening and we were able to catch up. I LOVE hearing from my friends! They keep me upbeat. Gram forgot her purse at her pastor's house tonight so I drove back over there to pick it up for her. One dear ALMOST decided to jump in front of me but thought better of it.

For having very little to say today, this post has managed to be quite long :)

Until my next post,

~Staci~