Max
Gram made the tough decision to put her beloved dog to sleep earlier this month. He had been acting strangely for a few weeks and would keep one or both of us up all night. The vet said it was possible that he had suffered from a stroke and was confused.We knew we were going to put him down, but I wasn't aware that our last night was going to be our last night. I had been up with him most of the night and he was driving me crazy. I feel awful now because I'll take a sleepless night over him being dead anytime. Gram told me we were taking him to the vet while I was in the middle of taking a test for my terminology class. Gram had him for over 15 years, ever since he was a puppy. She was the apple of his eye; no amount of spoiling from others could change that. I knew he was suffering and we were suffering from not getting enough sleep, but I'm grateful Gram made the decision to put him down, not me. Heartbreak #3.
He sat next to me on the way to the vet in the backseat. We went over everything with the vet, and Gram was determined. They gave Max a sedative as we said goodbye. He gave me one final kiss and slipped away quickly after the shot. There were several moments where I wanted to shout, "You can't take him!" and run out of the room with him alive in my arms. But I didn't. I took off his collar and tags and slipped them into my pocket. They still sit on my dresser in the same spot I put them after we got home. Max was wrapped in a blanket and put in a box for burial later that night. We brought him home and Callie, my cat, sniffed the box. I think she knew what happened. They were best friends. Gram decided to have him buried at my uncle's house.
The three of us are still trying to adjust to life without Max. The first few nights were rough. His bed is still in the kitchen. His toys are still in the living room. There's food in his dish. We both want another dog, though Max can never be replaced. Some friends of mine suggested that we wait until a couple of months after Christmas to get one. Gram really wants another Shih Tzu but I'll take just about anything, and since it has to be my dog, I should probably get final say.
School
I was notified back in November that I did NOT get into the phlebotomy program for next semester. My adviser looked up my profile and found out that I was one point shy. That was Heartbreak #1. So I've been scrambling to get everything in order to do the CNA program starting in January. It's not something I want to do long-term, but my current job is less than stable and there's no guarantee when I'll be accepted into the phlebotomy program. There is a long list of (expensive) things that need to be done over the next couple of months or I won't be allowed to stay in the program. I'm still not sure going back to school was the right decision.
It's hard to write more at this moment. Everything is getting jumbled in my head.
Until next time,
~Staci~
