A Birthday, New Job, Company and More

It's been a hectic couple of weeks for me. I have had a lot to write about with little time to write. I celebrated my 27th birthday about a week and a half ago. I drove to Peoria to run errands and take myself out for lunch to one of my favorite restaurants (Flat-Top Grill anyone?). Gram bought me a delicious pie instead of cake and ice cream. Whenever cake mix is on sale, Gram tends to stock up on a few boxes and makes one cake right after another. Apparently pie can be super expensive so I felt bad for her buying it for me. I also went to get my haircut because my shoulder-length hair was getting on my nerves. My goal was to wait a few more months and grow it longer, but that wasn't working out for me.

A few days after my birthday, I was called to scheduled interviews for two different positions: waitressing and insurance sales. The interview for the waitressing job was the easiest interview in the world. I was hired almost the moment I walked through the door. The had me fill out the paperwork, they gave me my apron and t-shirt and I was no longer unemployed. As exciting as that was/is, those who know me well know that I'm not cut out for waitressing. I don't mind the hours, or being on my feet all day; it's more of the social interaction that I fear. You CAN'T force social actions on people with social anxiety and expect things to get better. I've have multiple jobs where I've had to interact with many people and it hasn't gotten any better for me. In fact, it's probably worse these days. My first day was the day after my interview. The gave me a tour of the building and showed me where everything was and sent me home after 90 minutes. I went back the next day and began hostessing. That kept me quite busy during the two hours I was there. Tonight will me my first full shift of waitressing, I believe, and tomorrow will be my first full shift of hosting. Lord, have mercy!

My second interview turned out not to be an interview after all. They brought in about nine people for a presentation about the company. Yesterday, I went in for what was supposed to be a Q & A session but I was the only person who showed up. Honestly, I was bowled over by the compensation packages and the bonuses; it would have been possible to pay off my student loans within a few years with this job, instead of several decades. However, I've thought about and there's no way I can afford the up-front costs of the licensing classes and exam fees. Plus, without having my car here, it would have been too difficult to manage. I'm scheduled for the final interview Monday morning but, with a heavy heart, I'm going to call and cancel. It wouldn't be fair to waste their time. It would have been a hard job for me to do but I could have worked as many hours as I wanted to get the money that I needed. This probably sounds incredibly greedy but I want to work and earn as much as I can to become financially stable and independent. I've been living with my student debt hanging over my head for almost fours years now and it's slowly sucking the life out of me. A few more years of this will kill me.

The one bright spot of my week was having my friend Matt over for a visit. He came over Wednesday morning and I made him my special zucchini pancakes with some zucchini from my garden. I meant to get a picture of him eating them but I completely forgot to take any pictures that day. We went on a mini road trip to the town where I grew up and I showed him all of the sights. We watched a movie after getting back home and then he had to leave. I was quite sad watching him go since I don't have many visitors here; everyone is so far away! (There's much more I could say about his visit but I'm giving everybody the shortened version.) Gram took pity on me and volunteered to play Settlers of Catan with me, which is my favorite board game. She probably won't play it again for a long time since I won by a wide margin. Gram also doesn't play Scrabble with me anymore since I win every time we play, even when I try to lose.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to others that I envied the muscles that tennis players have in their legs and thighs. A friend of mine called me out on it and said I should do something about it instead of envying others. And then I read an article about a woman who joined the Couch to 5K program. This walking/jogging/running program is designed to get people off their bums and able to run a 5K in as little as eight weeks. I know that it will probably take me longer than that but I'm ready to become healthier and in better shape. Also, I know I need to do something active to balance the serotonin in my brain. I'm always at risk for falling into a non-seasonal depression because of the loneliness and on-going stress of my loans. I envy people who have that "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. I don't have it and probably never will.

 Until next time,

 ~Staci~