Driven To Distraction

Hard times got the upper hand/ Stole our feeble plans/ The faces, shot me, spin me round/ But I won't lie down 

Hard times shake me to the bone/ Face bruised, bloody nose/ Shell shocked, crawling on the ground/ Still I won't lie down

"Myth" ~Keane~

I'm losing my mind.

It's been a rough week for me. I'm currently dealing with something that has me bouncing off the walls.  I'm not in a place where I can talk about it. Only a few people know what's going on and it's hard keeping a smile on my face in front of those who don't. Gram is one of them. So please don't tell her if you see her. This post isn't going to make much sense to anybody and I apologize. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think. I have this crushing weight on my shoulders and I'm losing it. Nearly every minute of my days are carefully planned to keep me from thinking. Unfortunately my body wears out before my brain does, which makes for a long night of tossing and turning. Two nights ago I begged Gram to play Settlers of Catan with me at 11:30 pm. Last night I begged her to tell me a story. Anything to keep me from facing the long night with only my thoughts for company. Even with having the day off, I spent almost 3 hours at work talking to my friends/coworkers who know about the situation.

In this situation, there are two possible outcomes and both of them are REALLY horrible to think about. I'm sure the answer will eventually come but either way it's going to be painful. I just need to KNOW the truth. Just two little words could end this cycle of frustration and confusion and fear. I'm irritable, bitter, and running low on patience. It takes very little for me to snap. The house is cleaner and more organized than normal because my hands always have to be doing something. I'm grateful for the extra hours at work. This won't last forever, I know, but I don't know what kind of person I will be when closure comes. My friends know I take heartbreak to the extreme, but I PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE not to use my blog as an outlet, aside from this post. I just needed to get this out there because it is overwhelming me.

Until next time,

~Staci~