Best of 2012

This horrible year is finally over, and I won't make the same mistake wishing for a better one this time. 2012 wasn't completely terrible and listing some of the good things that happened this year is how I want to end my first ten months as a blogger.

GETTING A JOB - I've had a string of jobs in the last few years. Being a waitress isn't my cup of tea, but I like my coworkers and my bosses treat me with respect. It's not enough to help pay off my student loans, but it gives me time out of the house and around people closer to my age.

FIXING MY CAR AND GETTING IT BACK- It took over two months to save enough for car repairs, another two weeks to get the repairs done, and another two weeks to get the time off to go to MI to get it. But it's back and it's mine (for the time being).

REALIZING I'M MORE BLESSED BEING SINGLE - Even though all you have to do is look at my ex-boyfriends and understand why that is, there are other reasons why I've reached that conclusion. I've realized that I wanted to get married for the wrong reasons; I don't have what it takes to be a wife and mother. And I'm fine with that.

MOVING TO ILLINOIS - Though I miss Michigan very much it's time to move on. By myself.

MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS - There are very few things I look forward to in life, but some of them include Downton Abbey, Sherlock, Inspector Lewis, and Once Upon A Time. These shows are simply amazing. I might have even solved the mystery at the end of Sherlock.

Happy New Year,

~Staci~

Update On Gram

Gram's much, much better and home again. The doctor doesn't know what caused her to get so sick, but he gave her new antibiotics and a new breathing treatment. My parents have gone home and Gram's sister left as well. My mom set up something where a home health nurse will be visiting Gram for a few days to make sure she's doing what she's supposed to. (Gram is still not thinking as clearly as she normally does). I'll be staying home as much as I can and making sure she gets rest (and to call my mom if she doesn't). Thanks for all of the prayers.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Prayers

I had another happier post waiting in the wings, and yet I'm writing this with a fearful heart. My gram is sick. And not the ordinary have-a-cold kind of sick. It's the kind of sickness that makes my mom enforce her medical power of attorney and is currently trying to get her admitted to the hospital. It's hard not letting my thoughts run away with themselves, and though nothing bad has happened, my first thought is that I could possibly be homeless sooner rather than later. For better or worse, Gram is my other half even though I complain about her a lot. We're lucky to have had her this long but I have always refused to believe that God would ever take her. But before I really get a head of myself, I'd like to ask for prayers for healing for her.

Sincerely,
~Staci~

~O Christ, Who alone art our Defender: Visit and heal Thy suffering servant Betty, delivering her from sickness and grievous pains. Raise her up that she may sing to Thee and praise Thee without ceasing, through the prayers of the Theotokos, O Thou Who alone lovest mankind.~

*For my friends on FB: I've deactivated my account for a while, so my updates will come via blog post or Google+.

Should I Even Post This?

I can name about a dozen people who are tired of listening to all of my issues. If you are one of them, then this isn't the blog post for you. I hope that my next post will be lighter and happier.

A few people who know me already know that I cycle my fears, emotional pain, and stresses. When one problem gets to be too big, I move to another until that problem gets too big, etc. Unfortunately, with each new wave or cycle there is fresh pain. It catches me off guard and I'm left standing dazed and confused (sometimes literally). Some of it's old pain brought to the forefront, or it's recent events that have me reeling. How do I admit to feeling betrayed? Do I even have the right to feel this way? What I have to deal with, I have to deal with on my own. I must stop leaning on others to help me. So if I don't respond to a text or email or answer a phone call, please understand that I need space.

As mentioned in a previous post, I've gone back to Orthodoxy but I'm so angry with God right now. A church friend had me help chant the Psalms during one of the services Sunday morning. As I was reading, I realized how angry I must have been, because I was practically spitting out the words. As usual, my anger quickly turned to tears and my friend had to take over. It was one time where I was grateful that hardly anybody is at church for the first service. All I could think about was my anger and pain, so I left after receiving Communion. I wasn't (and still not) in the mood to talk to anybody about anything. The list is a mile long and would take several hours to fully explain. Also, I understand it's Christmas and people are generally in a festive mood and I don't want to be a downer. We have church twice on Christmas Eve and once on Christmas morning. I'm not even sure I'll be attending any of them. Gram will be going to my uncle's house for dinner, but I have every intention of staying home. There's really nobody I want to see or hang out with, unless my mother shows up.

I've already cried at work twice this week. The first time was because somebody had left me a $12 tip. The second time was the result of one too many things going wrong. But I've been weepy off and on most of the week. I'm trying to change my lifestyle in a few ways and it's as hard as I thought it would be. And trying to be Orthodox again hasn't helped. I'm being bounced back and forth between the life I WANT to lead and the life of an Orthodox Christian and it's not a good place to be. The burdens I'm carrying are getting heavier and heavier and it feels as if I'm all alone in the world.

"Sorrow has taken me,
And I am unable
To withstand and bear the demon's dart's;
Shelter I do not have,
Nor a place to go, worthless as I am."
~Small Paraklesis~

Until next time,

~Staci~

New Start

I've had my car back for about five weeks now and it's certainly made a difference. I'm finally able to go to church on a regular basis which has had a great impact already. Unfortunately, things are not the same anymore. Some members of my church got together and paid for the removal of my priest. This isn't some sort of conspiracy theory or wild imagination on my part. This has actually happened. I miss Fr. J very much. We have a new priest who seems nice, but I'm withholding judgement because I know how biased my opinion would be. However, I've caught myself giving him my death glare during Orthros and Liturgy a few times. As of last week, he is now my new spiritual father. I have my first confession with him Thursday.

I've allowed the anger and bitterness towards the people who did this to fester inside me. They were sitting in the same section at church Sunday and it made me ill. I intentionally avoid them because it's impossible for me to be nice right now. (At some point righteous anger becomes unrighteous anger.) I'm also a little bit angry at other members of my parish. Some people fought hard to defend Fr. J, but if feels like others are ready to forget him. I understand: this unspeakable act of evil happened, but it's over, it can't be undone, so let's just forget it happened. This may be stretching a little but it's something a victim of abuse might say. And I know something about abuse.

One of my best friend's at my church recently lost her husband. He had been ill for a long time and the last few days were painful. She wasn't at church very often towards the end and her thoughts were elsewhere when she was there. Fr. J was allowed to do the funeral and his eulogy was extremely thought-provoking, at least for me. He said something that got me to thinking about how far I've fallen from Orthodoxy and how desperately important it was for me to return. That is how I've ended up with an appointment for confession this week. I can't say that it's going to be an easy path or that I'm ready to commit to the journey one hundred percent. But it's a start. I'm trying. It's hard being Orthodox, but it's even harder being Orthodox while living with my gram. Lately, it's been easy to fall into despair about certain issues I've been dealing with, but I know that's the evil one trying to prevent me from going back to where I belong.

Until next time,

~Staci~

*If you're reading this you can probably tell that I've rearranged the layout of my blog (again). I'm still experimenting with it so please bear with me.* 

MI Trip (Part Two)

It's been a crazy busy week with work and taken care of Gram. She had minor surgery Thursday morning but she has recovered extremely well. Work asked me to cover a couple of shifts and my boss told me that they're giving me a promotion of sorts. They are going to train me to work days, which will mean longer shifts. Awesomesauce.

I left off my last post talking about how hard it was leaving my mom, but I had told my friends I would be in Kalamazoo at a certain time. Another family from my old church was going to have Vespers that night, but it turned into dinner and a few prayers instead. It was the first time I had been in their new house

Friday morning and afternoon turned into truffle-making day with my friends L & D. I have never made truffles before and it was a lot of work; it almost felt like a science experiment with each step done at precisely the right moment. Any misstep would mean failure. I am not very good at making truffles and D ended up taking over for me. I didn't complain too much because it was D who ended up with a chocolate mess to deal with. Of course, I helped make that mess by making the chocolate come out of the wrong end of the pasty bag. But my friends allowed me to make up for it by making my special bacon & sour cream noodles for dinner. It's by far one of my all-time favorite recipes. L made her fantastic pumpkin spice lattes the following morning before I left.

I love watching their son grown up. I wasn't there long enough to get to babysit, but I did get plenty of pictures.

Bundled up for his walk.

How can you not love this face?

I'm a sucker for those blue eyes!

Playtime

Mom makes a great snack.

He's good at multitasking: eating and being adorable! 

Overall, it was great being back home despite the long travel and the days without power. Now that my car is in decent shape (minus the windshield wipers) it'll be easier to go up and visit.  I didn't get a chance to visit other friends which was a bummer, and I didn't get to confession. My parents are coming down for Thanksgiving, and staying here with me and Gram. Thankfully, my work is closed on the holiday so I'll have a chance to hang out with my mom again.

For all of my American readers, have a Happy Thanksgiving. For everyone else, take care!

Until next time,

~Staci~

MI Trip (Part One)

It has taken a few days for me to have time to sit down and type this out. My trip to MI wore me out and I haven't been myself for a few days. A week ago Monday, Gram drove me to the train station in Galesburg. My first train was about 30 minutes late due to bad signals. The ride to Chicago was uneventful. I had about 5 hours layover in the Windy City so I eventually found a locker to stash my suitcase and went sightseeing. Hurricane Sandy made it colder and windier than I had expected, so I stopped at a Caribou Coffee near the station to have lunch. The woman who took my order complimented me on the crocheted scarf and headband I was wearing, which I crocheted myself. That was nice to hear. I ordered the Gouda turkey pesto sandwich. It was heaven. The rest of my stay in Chicago was quite boring: I sat in the lobby and rolled a skein of yarn into a ball.

Horrible pic and I can't get it to flip. 

My second train left nearly on time, though we had to stop to let other trains pass. For some reason, the train was booked and I let somebody sit next to me. Her name is Sierrah and she is AWESOME. She was on her to MI to visit her dad, and we spent the entire trip talking. The guy across the aisle was going home with his son and it turns out he is an amateur science fiction writer. It's not everyday that you can converse with people who have seen Firefly! Sierrah even shared her Nitendo DS 3D. That was awesome! She worked with trains and knew everything about the one we were riding on. I told her about Morocco and she looked through all of the pictures I had on my phone. We exchanged phone numbers and have kept in touch so far.

My mom and stepdad met me at the station in Lapeer, MI and took me to Tim Horton's (pure heaven) for a doughnut and cappuccino, and to Arby's for "real" food. Then it was another (almost) 2-hr drive back to their house. We arrived home to find out that we lost power. Hurricane Sandy struck again. I can't even begin to tell you how disheartening that was. I was looking forward to never-ending hot water, laundry being done, and actual light to search through my things around the house. It was even more disheartening when the power company said that restoration wasn't expected to take place until the end of the week. Shortly after getting home, we went to bed. Obviously, there wasn't any heat so I woke up extremely cold. At least my parents have a gas stove, which I was grateful for. Most people who know me well, know that I'm never at my best when I'm freezing. This was my vacation, and I wasn't planning on having to rough it! But at least I had my mama...

Harbor Beach

My stepdad had to go to the other side of the state for business so it was just Mama and me. We went to the library (it had power) and then to town to go shopping and get something to eat. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was eat and go home. I nearly fell asleep sitting in the lovely warmth of Pizza Hut. We still didn't have power the next morning so I had to heat water on the stove for a bath. Mom was at work and I took advantage of what little light we had to get stuff around the house packed up and put into my car. (The sun refused to shine the entire time I was there.) There was just enough light to play Candyland and Dominoes by myself. Mom came home and we went to the library again. I didn't have reception, but at least I could use the library's Wi-Fi to get online. We went to town again and I was feeling better to do some shopping. There wasn't any reason to sit at home in the dark and do nothing. 

As soon as we got back to the house, the power came back. What a huge relief! Mom made her delicious tuna noodle casserole for dinner. I let Mom take the first real hot-water shower after it warmed up. Mom even did my laundry. I had done a lot of complaining when the power was out but I was greatly humbled by some of the stories told about Hurricane Sandy. An elderly widow's house had burned down after the storm. She literally had nothing left and was walking around in a pair of flip flops. The news reporter was helping her sort through the rubble and the elderly woman found a piece of a broken plate that wasn't completely burned. This woman was extremely grateful to have what most people would consider to be trash, and she made me realize that I didn't have it so bad. I don't remember her name, but I hope and pray she has family to take care of her. 

Mom had to go to town the next day so we drove separately, as I had to leave for Kalamazoo that afternoon. We did a tad bit more shopping and went out to lunch. My friends were counting on me to arrive at a decent time, but it was hard leaving my mama. 

Thus ends the first part of my narrative. Until next time,

~Staci~

Quick Note

Hi Everyone,

I just got back from MI on Saturday. Once I get everything unpacked and put away, I'll post a blog or two (with pictures) about my trip.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Finished and Unfinished

There's only two and a half months to go until the end of the year and I can't believe how fast the time has gone. One of my goals for this year was to crochet 10 projects, ranging from quick and easy to hard and time-consuming. I'm happy to say that my completed messenger bag crossed off # 10 on that list. However, there are three other projects that have been pushed aside. I would like to finish them before the year is out. The unfortunate part is that all three of them are blankets. When Gram first let me sort through (and use) all of her yarn stashes, the goal was to come up with projects that didn't require buying more yarn. Unfortunately, most of her yarn doesn't match in color, texture, or size.

Ripple Afgan

I wanted to make a more complicated pattern with this blanket, and therefore chose the ripple style. Most of the yarn being used (so far, six colors in all) came from different stashes around my gram's house.

Baby Blanket #1

I got this idea from a pattern I saw online almost a year ago. The top strip still needs to be sewed together, and then all four strips can be sewed to finish the project. The picture doesn't do the colors of this blanket justice.

Baby Blanket #2

This is a blanket I started to make during the spring. It's longer than planned and it might not turn out to be a real blanket. There's only one skein of that yarn, which is halfway depleted, but I'm not about to pull out stitches and start over.



PEAR JAM

I finally caved and made pear jam. I was quite disappointed by the outcome because it looked nothing like what I had pictured in my mind. And it didn't taste like what I was expecting either. But I let it cool in the fridge overnight and put some on my toast this morning. It tastes FANTASTIC, though it doesn't surpass what I had last year. I went to a monastery last summer and they made this pear jam/pear butter concoction from their own pear trees. Friends and family will say that I've been obsessed with making my own ever since. Unfortunately, I didn't take into account as to how much I was making, so we have a giant tub of it if anybody wants to come try some.

Wish me luck,

~Staci~

Update

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. I haven't been terribly busy, but there also hasn't been much to write about. Both Gram and I have been under the weather a little bit, thankfully not at the same time and for different reasons. When I get sick, I do my best to isolate myself (and my germs) so Gram doesn't catch whatever it is I have. Her immunity is not as strong as it used to be. The weather tends to mess with my allergies when there's a major fluctuation in temperature day to day.

I didn't quite get through September completely unscathed, but nothing happened on the same scale as the last couple of years. The Lord is merciful on His completely unworthy child.

My summer garden is finished and I recently planted lettuce, radishes, and spinach. There are sprouts coming up but it will be a miracle if anything survives. I decided to plant the fall garden on a whim, even though it was a bit late in the season. The radishes are supposed to only take about 30 days to fully harvest. The picture to the right is of the Icon of the Mother of God, the "Multiplier of Wheat". Today is actually the feast day when Orthodox Christians commemorate this icon. Two miracles involving this icon were witnessed by the faithful. It is a powerful reminded that the Lord, His Mother, and His Saints are always involved in our daily lives.


Gram's 85th birthday is Saturday. I believe my uncle is taking her out for dinner. I'll be taking her to my restaurant for a piece of pie. Our pies are quite famous. We threw her a surprise party for her 80th birthday. The first part of her surprise involved my cousins from New Mexico showing up on her doorstep. And then we had her party the next afternoon. One of her gifts was a flameless candle and she was angry because she thought it had already been used. Someone had to turn it on for her before she understood. I still tease her about it.

I've been reading and watching several disheartening books and shows on television. I read three books in a row on death and murder, all of them written by the same author. And I've just finished the new J.K. Rowling book. (Yes, I was a gigantic Harry Potter fan.) My history class is full of lectures about wars and death, and other generally unhappy topics. There is a new show on PBS that I love: Call the Midwife. Last night's episode had two different plot lines, one of which was quite tragic to me. It hurts to see the elderly not getting the care they need, especially elderly war veterans. So it's definitely time to watch and read something more lighthearted!

My goal for this week is to make pear jam. I was supposed to make them today but my pears aren't fully ripe yet. I've been craving pear jam for over a year now. I'm sure I can wait a little bit longer.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Comfortable Domesticity

Even though I've made numerous statements about how boring and lonely it is here, there is something comfortable and familiar about being surrounded by cornfields. You can even find fields in the middle of cities throughout the Midwest. We never lived on a farm growing up but our small town was surrounded by them. I wholeheartedly respect farmers. I took this picture a few miles outside of town. In this part of Illinois, it's usually either corn or soybean being planted. My gram's church has a small bit of land on which they grow corn, and it's some of the best corn I have tasted. Speaking of things tasting good...

I made zucchini pancakes again, this time with buttermilk pancake mix instead of biscuit mix, and diced jalapeno peppers. They were the best batch I've made so far. Gram didn't think of them as highly as I did though. 

Dinner tonight was fantastic. Gram made me in charge of cooking dinner, which doesn't happen very often. She can't tolerate how little salt and butter I cook with. I've been thinking of different ways to make quinoa and tonight I made quinoa barbecue. I cooked the quinoa in the rice cooker as normal, and then added Sweet Baby Ray's sweet & spicy sauce. OH MY GOODNESS! It was amazing! The quinoa is a healthy substitute for meat and any sauce made by SBR makes anything taste great. Next time I will try to make sloppy quinoa instead of sloppy joe's. Quinoa might be my favorite food now.

After a couple of months off, I've begun crocheting again. My mom gave me some wool yarn for my birthday and I've been staring at it for months trying to think of something to make with it. And then it came to me: a messenger bag for Fall. The colors are gorgeous and it's really fun working with wool yarn. I'm already done with the sides, bottom, and the front of the inside, with all of it sewed together as well. Unless something drastic happens, I hope to have it finished by next week.  If there is enough yarn left over, I might make a matching coin purse or wallet.

A friend of mine recently commented on my crocheting so I offered to crochet him something. One of my favorite things to crochet are beanie hats. I found a pattern for one about two years ago and have been making them for other people ever since. The first couple of hats turned out really bad and I ended up redoing one of them. Now I think I have perfected  the pattern. It's really easy to make (once you understand what the pattern is telling you to do) and it only takes a few hours to make if you fight through the hand cramps. The picture doesn't do the hat justice, like the rest of my pictures, but it's easy to see the pattern. Since one of my mom's dogs chewed up my winter hat before I moved down here, I might have to make me another one before it gets too cold. 

A scary thing happened last night. I was outside talking on the phone when Gram sent me a text saying she had fallen on the floor and needed help getting up. Normally I'm able to pick her up if she can turn over onto her knees. But her knees were swollen and bruised. I even put the gait belt around her but couldn't do it. I was completely useless. She called my uncle and he and my cousin came over. Gran was very sore but I can't stress enough how incredibly lucky we were that she didn't break anything. It's not the first time she's fallen without an obvious reason why. She went to the cardiologist today and he put a heart monitor on her. If her heart is causing the falls, then the monitor should pick it up.

I'm about fed u with our garden. The tomatoes and beans were pretty much a bust, though we did get some tomatoes here and there. Something dug up two of our cabbage plants and one zucchini plant. I saved the cabbages and replanted the zucchini plant, but it didn't survive. We had a couple of nights with a frost advisory but the green peppers and jalapeno peppers are still growing. I think I will be making salsa at some point. If I can get some pears, Gram and I will make be making and canning pear jam.

That's all for now. Until next time,

~Staci~

I Never Rode a Camel

It's nearly midnight and I have Morocco on the brain. It would be easy to sit here and give a minute-by-minute account of my experience overseas. But I won't do that. Going to Morocco was supposed to be an exciting, life-changing move for me, which only lasted for two weeks. And it was two weeks of hell. I had a limited amount of funds and therefore couldn't explore as much as I had wanted. Yet, there are three things that I still kick myself for not doing.

1. I never rode a camel.
2. I never saw Oudaya at sunset.
3. I never went back to the library to get a picture of the bird of paradise flower in the garden.

#1 is pretty self-explanatory. I'm sure it would have been hard to track down a camel in the middle of Rabat,  the capital, which is on the Atlantic coast. But I didn't do much research to find one. # 2 would have been easier to do. Oudaya is a small, walled-off village overlooking the Atlantic, Rabat, and the city to the north, Sale. It's beauty is really indescribable. One of my friends took me there during the day and offered to bring me back on my last night in the city. But I was in a hurry to get to my hotel near the airport outside of Casablanca. And I was already suffering from what would become bronchitis. Not to mention the allergy medicine I had taken made me high. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance to explore Casablanca and I don't remember it. #3 would have been the easiest of all. I had gone to the library but had to hand over my passport and my purse in order to be allowed inside. That was extremely uncomfortable. Who would expect to find a garden in the middle of library? Not me. And I certainly didn't expect to see my favorite flower, the bird of paradise, blooming right in the middle of it. My camera was in my purse. I told myself I would come back to get a picture of it but I never did.

Bird of Paradise

These three things still cause pain when I think about them. If I had to pick a fourth item, it would probably be the whole Casablanca incident. I can't allow myself to rehash everything that happened, nor can I drag others through my awful experience. The last couple of Septembers are so full of bad memories, that now I'm too afraid to tell anybody about good things that are happening to me out of fear that I'll jinx myself some how This should be my last post about Morocco or anything else related to the "horrible" month of September.

Until next time,

~Staci~ 

A Whole Lot Of Nothing

Considering the last two Septembers, I am having quite a tame one so far. NOTHING has gone wrong. It would be highly superstitious of me to knock on wood after having written that and I will resist the urge. Work is going fairly well; they are consistently giving me at least two shifts per week. However, it seems that most people who eat out don't understand that waitstaff depends upon their tips to supplement each paycheck. If I make 10 dollars or less in tips, I can report that to my boss and get minimum wage for that shift. But that hasn't happened yet. I can understand not leaving a tip if your waiter is completely rude or totally screws up your order. But if not, PLEASE leave a tip.

I spent all of Monday in the kitchen experimenting with new recipes. Gram started a gluten-free diet this month, so I tried to incorporate ingredients that she can eat. For lunch I made Parmesan-crusted chicken over rice noodles. Surprisingly, Gram liked it and I thought it was pretty good too. I had leftover rice noodles with which I made a 3-cheese pasta bake for dinner. THAT was good! Long ago, I found a dairy-free coleslaw recipe which I made for dinner too. I was surprised that Gram liked it. She doesn't usually like when I turn regular meals into meatless and dairy-free dishes. Between lunch and dinner, I decided I should make dessert too, so it was the perfect time to try making pie crust for the first time. I combed the internet for a crust recipe that didn't require shortening (since we didn't have any) and I used Gram's gluten-free flour.  For the filling, I combined cream cheese and chocolate pudding. After accidentally using too much milk, I decided to freeze it. Gram said my crust was perfect but I find that hard to believe. It was certainly hard to make but it might have been because of the flour. Gram talked to a lady who makes gluten-free products and she said that g-f flour doesn't work like regular flour. For example, bread made with g-f flour won't rise when it bakes.

If I make through the rest of this month without something going horribly wrong, then I will definitely have an announcement to make. I'm afraid to say anything and then have to backtrack later when everything falls apart. But I will say that certain things in my life are looking better; there is hope for good things to come. However, as I type that I remember saying the same thing last year and two years ago and I also remember how badly things turned out in the end. Then I would have to apologize for failing once again.

My online lit class is going well and there are only two weeks left. I dropped out of my stats class because I couldn't get the software to work. Several classmates tried to help me out but nothing was working. Without that software, I couldn't do the homework or the exams so there wasn't any reason to stay in the course. It was supposed to be an introduction to the subject but it certainly wasn't for beginners. Sad biscuits. My chemistry class still hasn't begun yet and a starting date hasn't been announced. I might try to find another course to take after my lit class ends since the stats course was a bust.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Come September

Her bones will ache/Her mouth will shake/And as the passion dies/Her magic heart will break/She'll fly to France/'Cause there's no chance/No hope for Cinderella/Come September

September is not a good month for me. The last two Septembers were full of pain and heartache for me. But last year is the one I remembering now. Most people probably don't know that I was hired for a position in England. I can still remember the morning I found out that I was going; that everything was finally going to go my way. It was supposed to begin in the middle of September. (Everything wrong/Gonna be alright/Come September) But that job literally fell apart in seconds and I was desperate. I spent most of last summer living in the library trying to find an ESL job. When England was no longer possible, less than 10 minutes after that I found the ad for the job in Morocco and applied for it immediately. Even though "MO" was not the best place for me to go to, emotionally and mentally, I was desperate since by that time, I had already given my boss at the time my notice. Thankfully, he took me back. Almost immediately, I heard back about an interview for the job in MO. The first interview went well, as did the second. They officially offered me a position at the beginning of September, and wanted me to be there before the 26th. That wasn't enough time to get everything ready but this job was a chance for a fresh start. The initial "contract" was for three months and if both parties agreed, they would help me get a visa and I would stay on for at least another nine months.

Everything wrong /Gonna be alright/Come September

The souls that burn/Will twist and turn and/Find you in the dark/No matter where you run/She's made her mark/But lost her spark/And what she's pushing for/She can't remember

Everything wrong/Gonna be all right/Come September

But like every other good thing that has happened to me in the last few years, it wasn't meant to be. They gave me about six days before giving me the ax and I had to scramble back to the States before I was kicked out of my apartment. My friends in Morocco were sad to see me go and some were able to take me around Rabat and Casablanca before leaving. Unfortunately, I remember very little of Casa. Earlier in the week I began to get sinus congestion and a cold and took some of the allergy medicine I had brought with me. The medicine really messed me up and my poor friends had to put up with a sad, sick, and extremely high Staci that night. My cold/sinus thing turned into an infection on my way back home and Mom made me go to the doctor a couple of days getting back. It took him only a few seconds to diagnose me with bronchitis. He was extremely generous when he found out I didn't have any insurance; the paperwork that said I had been there was put through the shredder. 

Her violet sky/Will need to cry/'Cause if it doesn't rain/Then everything will die/She needs to heal/She needs to feel/Something more than tender/Come September

Coming home so soon was not a pleasurable experience for me. I was horrible to some of my friends when I suffered from culture shock and I was still horrible to everyone when I came back. I ignored almost everyone and I refused to go to church even when given opportunities to do so. My name is synonymous with failure and I couldn't face anybody. And to a certain extent, I was afraid of one Orthodox acquaintance rubbing my failure in my face the first chance he got. Other people would have been supportive but he would have been right. He's nearly always right about me. My fears kept me away from my home church for eight months.

Everything wrong/Gonna be all right/Come September

On the brighter side of things, work is getting better. It's still frustrating and hectic at times, and it's hard trying to budget when I don't know what my tips will be every night. My lit class is going well and I have only 5 weeks left. My stats class begins next week and I'm looking forward to it. I have never had a stats class before so everything will be brand new to me. We're still getting zucchini and jalapeno peppers from our garden, with a few tomatoes and green peppers on occasion. I finally had the right consistency for my zucchini pancakes to the point where I didn't have to add milk, and I also added a few diced jalapenos to the mix and they turned out PERFECTLY. Some other exciting things are happening around here but I'm so afraid to say anything because it's hard to have hope that it will last.

My couch to 5k training is going slower than I though it would but I'm already seeing results from it (i.e. my shins no longer make me want to cry). I've been having allergy problems lately, hence the reason why there haven't been any posts lately. My eyes are the first to suffer. Yesterday, I was able to start the mower by myself for the first time (huge milestone) but that didn't help out my allergies. Gram went down to Nashville last weekend for my cousin's wedding but I had to stay behind and work and watch the animals. She's leaving again today to go up for my niece's birthday party but, thankfully, I have to work and can't go up. It's nice to have the house to myself for a couple of days, though I will miss Gram. She tends to get into trouble when I'm not around.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Made With Love

With all of my recent "doom and gloom" posts, I've decided to write something a little less depressing. Several weeks ago I came across a blog post about a charity group looking for crocheters. Several of my family members are involved with various charities that they care about, putting their skills and talents to good use. I have very little to share with others, but I have been crocheting for over two years now and I'd like to use it for good. This group, Made With Love, has asked me to make Amigurumi (crocheted animals) for foster kids. And I am happy to say that I've finished my first bear. It took less time to make than I had imagined. It's a habit of mine to perfect a pattern before moving on to a new one. And with the amount of spare yarn we have, there will be enough to practice with. My biggest fear is that this first bear is going to traumatize the kid who gets it. This bear has the ears of a pig/devil and I'm afraid one of it's appendages will come off. It's hard to judge just how much to child-proof it. Here's the link for Made With Love: http://www.hillcrestcf.org/crafting/about/

The other good piece of "news" is that our little grocery store has a new flavor of whole-bean coffee. I had asked them last week what new flavors of coffee they would be getting and when they expected the shipment. Barb, the lady in charge, asked me which new flavor I wanted and she ordered it specifically for me. I bought a package today and it smelled so good. Now I can lay off the espresso I normally drink for a while. Sometimes it's nice living in a small town. Sometimes.

~Staci~

Bad News Comes In Threes (A Cryptic Post)

This has been a very bad week. VERY bad. Apparently everything comes in threes because I have received three pieces of extremely bad news. I am angry, hurt, frustrated and I can't even write about what's happening. I want to scream and pull my hair out in retaliation, not that it would do anything. In fact, I was so upset that I actually WANTED to go into work tonight. It's funny how quickly perspectives can change in a single moment (or three of them in a span of three days). I even burned both hands from carrying hot plates and can't feel the burn from all of the adrenaline rushing through me. And I'm almost bummed that I only have one shift this coming week.

Typically, when I have many stressors at once, I focus on one of them and ignore the rest. When that gets to much, it's ignored and I focus on something else. My student loans are always a constant stress, but even now, it would be a relief just to have only them to think about instead of everything else added on top. I have Saturday-next Wednesday off and it would be nice to get up to Michigan to get more of my stuff and see my mom (and the lake). I'm not good company right now and Gram probably wouldn't mind a break from me. But I don't blame her. I'm going for a run tomorrow to burn off some energy, until I collapse from exhaustion or from tears of frustration.

Two of my "problems" can't be solved. They just have to be accepted and move on; definitely not one of my strengths. There's nothing else I can do about them though. I'm fighting the other problem tooth and nail, but I am running out of options. Most people have told me that most likely nothing will come of it. This situation just might be what is needed to keep me Orthodox, or else it just might the "event" that hardens my heart and turns me off completely. There is an injustice happening and I have to take a stand though. Most people have a limit as to how much they can take before they stand up for what they believe in.

~Staci~

P.S. For those who understand: I actually talked to the Saints last night for the first time in months. Maybe that's a good sign?

Not A "Happy" Post

Note: I have been sitting on this post for a long time. As the title suggests, it's not a happy post.

Sometimes I wish I had never taken that Dostoevsky class in which I first heard about Orthodoxy. Most people seem to turn to God when things are going wrong and ignore Him when things are going right. He and I used to have a great relationship. Both my head and my heart told me almost five years ago that Orthodoxy is the One, True Faith and I still believe that to this day. But, in a country where Orthodoxy is almost unheard of, and looked at almost as a cult, being Orthodox is a struggle. Many American Christians are able to attend any number of churches w/o much difficulty but I can't do that. I respect other people's sincerity and devotion to their particular denomination, but Orthodoxy is not denominational, it's pre-denominational. There's a Catholic church in my little village and, though we have many issues with Catholicism, it's probably the church I would feel most comfortable in after Orthodox churches. But I haven't even been to it yet even though I've been here since January. Frankly, I'm happy to sleep in Sunday mornings and it's nice being able to have breakfast, since most Orthodox Christians fast before liturgies.

I think there's still hope for me though. Some members of my family went to Gram's church last Sunday and I begrudgingly went along. Most of the sermon was downright heretical and I tuned out just so I wouldn't get fired up and say something. But the fact that I recognized the heresies and felt some emotion about it shows that there is hope. I knew somebody (non-O'dox) long ago who floated from one church to another seeking an emotional high, and when there was no "high" he assumed it wasn't true worship and moved on to the next church. I'm ashamed to say that I tried to be like him in certain ways and tried to prove that I wasn't as close-minded as other people accused me of being. Nothing came of it. I know in my head that even though I don't "feel" Orthodox anymore,  it doesn't mean I'm not. And I know that being Orthodox is more than just my name on a slip of paper. I was anointed with chrism, holy oil, and given a place in the royal priesthood of Christ. Now THAT means something.

So what's the problem?

1. I'm lazy.
2. I don't have access to an Orthodox church on a regular basis, nor am I around many O'dox Christians these days.
3. I'm not sure I care anymore.

Those who know me know that I'm not a brave person, nor am I any sort of a leader. I'm quite weak and rarely stand up for myself. And yes, I know these are horrible excuses. My soul is on the line and I don't seem to care. I may not feel Orthodox, but I certainly don't feel Protestant or Catholic. Which leads back to why I wish I hadn't found O'doxy in the first place. Sometimes blissful ignorance is easier. Yet, I still believe that anybody who isn't Orthodox and hasn't experienced it is missing out. It's a vicious cycle to be stuck in and highly hypocritical. I'd make a horribly missionary. It's all or nothing for me. I can't take what I want from Orthodoxy and leave out the rest. O'doxy is really a way of life but living with my Baptist grandma makes this tougher. It's the little things that add up which drive me crazy. For example, she would complain whenever I tried to light incense or a candle. Whenever I try to fast, Gram does her best to make it as stressful as possible.

This is something I've been struggling with for months now. This is actually what I originally created this blog for. I can't look at this world through the eyes of a Protestant, but I can't look at this world through the eyes of an Orthodox. This certainly isn't a battle between O'doxy and Protestantism though. I firmly believe that ALL Protestants and Catholics are lacking, yet I don't count myself as being among the Faithful anymore. Others might think that I'm just throwing a pity party for myself, saying "woe is me" and "nobody understands what I'm going through" but that's not what I'm trying to say. But I do feel alone in many ways. There is literally NOBODY my age to talk to here. My priest here is about to retire, so I'm afraid of what's going to happen at my church in the coming months.

I'm sure I'll be writing about this more in the future. But I'm glad I finally got this first post out in Blogger-land.

Until next time,

~Staci~

This and That

I'm sitting in the recliner with my feet up as I type this. When I mowed a couple of weeks ago, I took great pains not to run over a bush in the backyard, thinking Gram would kill me if I did. Little did I know that it was actually a thistle weed, trying to spread its seeds all over the neighborhood. Gram said the neighbors would kill us if it spread so she wanted me to dig it up. It was supposed to be in the mid-90's yesterday and I didn't want to work outside but it wasn't horribly hot in the morning. Thistle weeds have an extraordinary amount of defense: thorns growing up and down the branches, ready to prick anything that comes close. Even my gardening gloves were no match. I had to saw off the main "trunks" to get to the roots. The roots were easier to get out than I had imagined and they were huge!

The root on the left in the picture was just from a small patch of weeds next to the bush. The root on the right in the picture was from the actual bush. I certainly don't want these weeds to spread. It's bad enough having to keep pulling weeds out of the driveway. This might upset some of my friends, but I'm ready just to pour large quantities of weed killer all over the driveway. The natural weed killer my stepdad gave us isn't doing a whole lot to help me. After getting the bush and roots dug up, I cleared another patch of weeds out of the driveway until my hands became useless. At that point my back wasn't feeling bad yet but I also had other things to do like dishes, homework, and laundry. I checked out some movies from the library and halfway through the first one, it got too painful to sit in the chair. Then I tried laying flat on the floor and that didn't work either. Since Gram is at her sister's for a couple of days, I thought it would help if I slept in her uber-soft, massaging bed last night. Unfortunately, it didn't help and I slept horribly. Now my back hurts more than ever and I'm running on little sleep. Usually it's nice to sit around the living room watching movies since I can't do it very often but I'll have to force myself to do more laundry. What fun!

I turned in the first essay for my lit. class. Now I'm waiting to get some of my classmates' essays to peer edit. But I don't think I've written about my new courses in previous blogs. There is a company called Coursera that offers free online courses through different colleges and universities. I have signed up for four courses so far: the lit class which began last week, statistics, organic chemistry and human physiology. I love my first class so far and it's exciting to actually have something to do. Coursera even sends you a certificate when you finish some of their courses. Plus, I can put it on my resume to show potential employers that I'm willing to learn. I read somewhere that Coursera is even willing to provide third-parties with actual grades for some courses that don't offer certificates.

My birthday haircut. That's all natural curl :-) 

Until next time,

~Staci~

A Birthday, New Job, Company and More

It's been a hectic couple of weeks for me. I have had a lot to write about with little time to write. I celebrated my 27th birthday about a week and a half ago. I drove to Peoria to run errands and take myself out for lunch to one of my favorite restaurants (Flat-Top Grill anyone?). Gram bought me a delicious pie instead of cake and ice cream. Whenever cake mix is on sale, Gram tends to stock up on a few boxes and makes one cake right after another. Apparently pie can be super expensive so I felt bad for her buying it for me. I also went to get my haircut because my shoulder-length hair was getting on my nerves. My goal was to wait a few more months and grow it longer, but that wasn't working out for me.

A few days after my birthday, I was called to scheduled interviews for two different positions: waitressing and insurance sales. The interview for the waitressing job was the easiest interview in the world. I was hired almost the moment I walked through the door. The had me fill out the paperwork, they gave me my apron and t-shirt and I was no longer unemployed. As exciting as that was/is, those who know me well know that I'm not cut out for waitressing. I don't mind the hours, or being on my feet all day; it's more of the social interaction that I fear. You CAN'T force social actions on people with social anxiety and expect things to get better. I've have multiple jobs where I've had to interact with many people and it hasn't gotten any better for me. In fact, it's probably worse these days. My first day was the day after my interview. The gave me a tour of the building and showed me where everything was and sent me home after 90 minutes. I went back the next day and began hostessing. That kept me quite busy during the two hours I was there. Tonight will me my first full shift of waitressing, I believe, and tomorrow will be my first full shift of hosting. Lord, have mercy!

My second interview turned out not to be an interview after all. They brought in about nine people for a presentation about the company. Yesterday, I went in for what was supposed to be a Q & A session but I was the only person who showed up. Honestly, I was bowled over by the compensation packages and the bonuses; it would have been possible to pay off my student loans within a few years with this job, instead of several decades. However, I've thought about and there's no way I can afford the up-front costs of the licensing classes and exam fees. Plus, without having my car here, it would have been too difficult to manage. I'm scheduled for the final interview Monday morning but, with a heavy heart, I'm going to call and cancel. It wouldn't be fair to waste their time. It would have been a hard job for me to do but I could have worked as many hours as I wanted to get the money that I needed. This probably sounds incredibly greedy but I want to work and earn as much as I can to become financially stable and independent. I've been living with my student debt hanging over my head for almost fours years now and it's slowly sucking the life out of me. A few more years of this will kill me.

The one bright spot of my week was having my friend Matt over for a visit. He came over Wednesday morning and I made him my special zucchini pancakes with some zucchini from my garden. I meant to get a picture of him eating them but I completely forgot to take any pictures that day. We went on a mini road trip to the town where I grew up and I showed him all of the sights. We watched a movie after getting back home and then he had to leave. I was quite sad watching him go since I don't have many visitors here; everyone is so far away! (There's much more I could say about his visit but I'm giving everybody the shortened version.) Gram took pity on me and volunteered to play Settlers of Catan with me, which is my favorite board game. She probably won't play it again for a long time since I won by a wide margin. Gram also doesn't play Scrabble with me anymore since I win every time we play, even when I try to lose.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to others that I envied the muscles that tennis players have in their legs and thighs. A friend of mine called me out on it and said I should do something about it instead of envying others. And then I read an article about a woman who joined the Couch to 5K program. This walking/jogging/running program is designed to get people off their bums and able to run a 5K in as little as eight weeks. I know that it will probably take me longer than that but I'm ready to become healthier and in better shape. Also, I know I need to do something active to balance the serotonin in my brain. I'm always at risk for falling into a non-seasonal depression because of the loneliness and on-going stress of my loans. I envy people who have that "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. I don't have it and probably never will.

 Until next time,

 ~Staci~

First "Fruits" of My Labor In Pictures

Once again, I've gone without posting longer than meaning to. There are a couple of projects that have been keeping me busy, and when there happens to be free time, the last thing my fingers and hands want to do is type. With that in mind, I'll try to keep this post short.

OUR GARDEN
Gram didn't have much of a garden when I lived here four years ago, and I've had some gardening experience in the past, but this was my first major gardening experience. Naturally, Gram told me what to plant (with one or two suggestions from me), when to plant it, and how to plant it. But all of the weeding, pruning, (most of the) watering, feeding, and harvesting was left to me.

Ignore the dying tomato plants on the left!

We're lucky to get any beans with all the plants in there

The first handful of beans

Zucchini pancakes anyone?

Green Bell Peppers

We have jalapenos growing on all three plants!  (I need recipes!)

It's taken a lot to keep this garden growing and I've wanted to give up on it many times. Of course, I have Gram around to make sure I stay at it. This week has been extremely satisfying and for the first time in a long time, I've done something I can be proud of. 

WEEDING THE DRIVEWAY

Our driveway has turned into a jungle of weeds almost since spring came to Illinois in February. My stepdad gave us a "recipe" for a weedkiller without all of the chemicals (one cup of salt for every gallon of vinegar). this managed to kill the weeds but being the lazy person that I am, the weeds didn't get pulled until after they started growing again. So a couple of weeks ago, I decided it was time to get it done. However, I did not take into account how sore my wrists and hands would be after weeding consecutive days in a row; and nor how bad my allergies would be afterwards. I hunkered down inside with the windows closed and several doses of medicine that claimed to be "non-drowsy". Liars. Then we had the week-long heat wave during which Gram wouldn't let me work outside. Then my parents were here for a couple of days. All that to say, I had no willpower to return to weeding after things went back to normal. It wasn't until my dad made a comment about how bad it was. It was actually quite a humbling moment for me and I vowed to get back to work on it a little bit each day until it was done. I didn't do a job at getting "before" and after" pictures taken until now.

This section was much worse before the "before" picture was taken.

The "after" picture. The section in the top left corner still needs to be done.

Against my better judgment, I have also been crocheting this week which hasn't helped my wrists and hands recover. I've banned myself from doing either of those things this weekend. Monday is my birthday and it's supposed to be in the mid 90's so I probably won't weed again until at least Tuesday. But it's also satisfying to see our driveway looking better and better!

Until next time,

~Staci~

Dinner Party

I went to an awesome party at my library. It was given for those who are participating in the summer reading program. Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to it. Gram nearly had to kick me out of the house in order for me to go to it. I do NOT like to be thrown into social situations in which I don't know anybody. Once, I went to a wedding in Indiana with the guy who was my boyfriend at the time. I didn't even know the bride or the groom. He tossed me into the pack of wolves and I was left to survive on my own. (Apparently I didn't make a good enough impression because they told him to dump me, which he did a few days later. Over the phone.) I have always been a shy person and it takes a long time for me to open up to most people. I was afraid this party would include a bunch of people standing around making awkward conversation. Boy was I wrong!

First of all, there were only nine of us there. I'm not sure how many people are in the program but I was surprised to see so few. Upon arriving, we were asked to sit at one of the tables in the small(ish) community room in the back of the library. I recognized one of the librarians but everyone else was unfamiliar to me. There was a man at a table in front of the room with food and cooking utensils and I still didn't know what was going on. A nice lady named Shirley sat down next to me and we made polite chit chat throughout the evening. (Another thing I'm horrible at!) The party got underway and the guy at the front introduced himself as a personal chef. The library hired him to make a full course meal for us! We started off the evening with freshly-made pico de gallo. He made it without alcohol and served it to the expectant mothers, and then added beer and served it to the rest of us. Then he added peppers, though I can't remember which kind. I preferred it with the peppers. Then he made Caesar salad, which originated from Tijuana, keeping with the Mexican theme for the evening. I also learned that anchovies are a common ingredient. I wasn't particularly fond of learning the fact but was able to swallow most of the salad.

After the salad came the main course: pork tacos! He had roasted pork tenderloin marinated in tamarind (sp?) chipotle sauce. He had two types of peppers and lettuce to add to the meat after it was heated with mushrooms in the sauce. It was SOOOOO delicious. I have to email him to get the recipe. I was expecting the tacos to be spicy hot but the sauce was more sweet than anything else. He told us to save room for dessert because he had something special for us. He had made polenta almond cake with a creamy caramel almond sauce. I felt like I was in a modern-day episode of Downton Abbey since we had our own personal chef and was served a 4-course meal. I was stuffed by the time my cake was finished but I asked if I could take a piece home for Gram. She enjoyed it as well. We were also given some coupons for free food at Culver's and Taco Bell, though Taco Bell will never live up to the food I had at this party! I also picked out a really fancy reusable drinking glass. I'm really glad I signed up for the reading program, though I never expected all of this. It was a great way to end the Apostles' Fast!!!

In other news, Gram and I are watching season 2 of Downton Abbey again. It's nice being around somebody who is addicted to it and Mr. Bates as I am. We just finished the fourth episode in which Matthew and William go missing. I think one of my favorite scenes will always be when Mary sees Matthew at the concert for the solders in that episode. My mom tried to watch it once but couldn't get into it. She and my step-dad will be here on Monday to stay with us for a couple of days. I miss having her around for many reasons, but one thing I'm really looking forward to is her neck rubs. She has tough thumbs and knows how to massage out the little balls of stress in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes I feel like my head sinks down into my shoulders and she can stretch out my neck. I'm usually sore for a couple of days but the stress is lowered. We will be celebrating my step-dad's birthday next week and Mom wants me to bake a cake and key lime pie. I found an easy recipe online and I hope it turns out well. Gram has a long list of things that need to be cleaned before they get here and I'm not looking forward to it. But she even bothered to get our dog to the groomer's so he's not smelly while my parents are here. Of course, that means I get to shampoo the carpet in the living room.

My second and final namesday of the year was on the 27th. I didn't do anything special but was able to get to church Friday. Our priest asked me to help out the chanter during both services. Some of what we sing is in Greek but the books we use have Greek phonetics in them so it's easier to follow. The chanter and I switched over to English during one of the hymns that closely resembled something we sing at my church in Michigan and I have to say that we rocked at it! The choir director asked me to sing with them on Sundays but I can't do that right now. I'd rather chant than sing though.

I hope I don't wait another two and a half weeks before my next post. A friend of mine has invited me to Cornerstone next week. It's not really my kind of thing but this is the last year for it and there's going to be some Orthodox stuff going on. I'll definitely take my camera if I go.

Until next time,

~Staci~

Projects and Pictures

One of the saddest parts about leaving Morocco was not being able to bring back many souvenirs. My friends made sure I didn't go home empty-handed though; I managed to fit the necessary newspaper, a key chain, and all of the Tramway tickets I collected from my traveling. But probably the most special item I came home with is in the picture to the right. My friend Morady and I were on our way to Oudaya and we walked through an area of the Medina where the craftsmen worked in their shops. This was the less "touristy" section of the marketplace. Up until this point, I had stopped at every tiled and mosaic-looking fountain I saw. So when we walked by this shop, I asked Morady if we could stop in and look at the mosaics they were making. Thankfully he could translate and we were allowed to watch the men work. I don't have a picture of them, unfortunately, but the shop was covered in mosaics and tiles. The men sat on the floor of the shop or on stools and they hammered away as they were talking.I asked

Morady to translate for me and tell them how beautiful I found their work. This heart-shaped tile was hammered into shape and given to me as gift. I can't tell you how honored I was to receive such a present. I carried it around in my purse for the rest of my stay in Morocco and I made sure it was in a safe place when I got home. This is one of the stories that still makes me tear up when I talk about it. There are tears in my eyes right now. The picture on the left is just one of the MANY fountains that are located in and around the marketplaces, though many of them don't actually run water but they are still so beautiful to look at. The colors and patterns are simply stunning in person. Gram and I have gone to Home Depot a couple of times and I found myself drawn to the flooring sections where they have samples on display. One of these days when I get my own place, it would be nice to have a mosaic floor somewhere in my home or garden.


READING
I may have mentioned in a previous post that I joined the adult reading program at my library for the summer. I haven't been reading as much as I should but picked up some books yesterday and made some good selections. Joan Didion's book, Blue Nights, is a great read that will have you at the end before you know it. However, it is quite sad and a bit off the wall as it chronicles the death of her only child, with some references to the death of her husband. You can immediately see that she hasn't completely finished the stages of grieving, though that's not a judgment on her. In fact, I commend for writing a book about such a painful topic. As I was reading it, I couldn't help but see the similarities between how she wrote and how I talked when going through a painful event of my own back in 2010. Of course her pain is more justified than mine was. I was just a deluded, naive, and foolish woman who tried to think the best of people and got hurt in the process.

Light reading

The second book I picked up, The House At Riverton, was recommended for people who were missing "Downton Abbey" as it's a fictional account of a maid who worked in a "great" house like Downton. The main character is in her 90's and circumstances cause her to look back on her time as a maid. I'm enjoying it so far and it almost reads like a mystery. The reader knows something mysterious happened involving the main character and she keeps referring to to it but the full story hasn't been told yet. But the cool part so far is that it really does sound like DA. For any DA fans, the cook and her kitchen aide have the same relationship as Mrs. Patmore and Daisy!

My third book is a collection of short stories, The Love of A Good Woman, by Alice Munro. I haven't started reading it yet and I haven't ever read anything by Ms. Munro in  the past. But I'm trying to branch out a bit and read new authors this summer. On a side note, I read "Song of Songs" during my Bible reading today. I was hesitant to read it as it reminds of a painful time in my life in which I quoted a verse to somebody I had cared for deeply. But I got through it and now it's on to reading the "Wisdom of Solomon" and "Wisdom of Sirach" for the rest of the month.

CROCHETING

This is the yarn I will be using for my latest project. I originally had it set aside for a blanket with a really complicated design. The blanket would have consumed more of my time that I wanted so it's now on the back burner for another time and season. My new project is going to be a towel wrap, complete with straps, flaps, and buttons. Even though my gram has a lot of yarn, most of it doesn't match in size, texture, or color. But there should be enough of this yarn for my project. I started with the blue but screwed that up and had to start over with the white. I'd like to have it done before July.

GARDENING

I mentioned in my previous post about how well our garden was growing but I didn't have a picture to show for it. A friend called me yesterday and wanted to know how it was doing here is a picture I took this morning. Thankfully the weeds are few and far between and the garden is small enough to get watered on a regular basis. Plus, there aren't any trees covering it to keep it from collecting rain. Everything is growing quite well, except for the cabbage on the far right being picked on by neighborhood critters. It'll be so exciting when we get our veggies!

Until next time,

~Staci~

Surprise Finds

Nothing's definite but I hope to have some really cool things to report in the near future. It's been a slow week in my little village. Gram's nephew is making a really surprising recovery. He ended up back in surgery after suffering more bleeding in his brain. The doctors weren't optimistic that he'd recover but he survived the surgery. He was kept sedated for several days so he wouldn't get agitated and cause his blood pressure to rise. I think God answered prayers because now he is expected, with time, to gain back everything he lost after suffering the stroke. He's had nurses watching him almost 24/7 but now he's been weaned off the ventilator and the pneumonia has cleared up. Glory to God in all things!

My parents are heading down this way at the beginning of July but won't be here for my birthday. But my mom said we might be able to figure out a way to get a clothesline put up. It's June and I STILL DON'T have one! The weather has been absolutely beautiful ever since I moved down. If I close my eyes, I can pretend that this is Morocco and not Illinois. The weather has been drying out our garden a little bit but not enough to ruin our veggies. All of our tomato trees have shot up nicely, though there hasn't been anything on the vines yet. A neighborhood bunny rabbit has been snacking on our cabbage plants. Every time I see them, I think of the "Cabbage Patch Kids." My brother and I used to have a record of them that we'd listen to.

My closet has been disorganized ever since I moved here. Half the stuff in there belongs to Gram but I never complained too much because I didn't have ANY closet space the last time I lived here. But it didn't take long to go through my mess and I ended up finding MORE of Gram's yarn; she has it stashed all over this house, apparently, and my closet was no exception. It was time to get out old summer purses and bags and I found the purse I used on my adventure through Morocco. Eight months have certainly flown by! Sometimes it feels like Morocco was just a dream. Anyway, I went through pockets and found about $3 in change. That was a nice surprise though I should know better than to put away a purse without cleaning it out first.

The Apostles' Fast begins tomorrow and lasts until the end of June. So now it's time to eat up some leftovers I know Gram won't finish. In a way, it's almost nice to have a non-fasting person in the house. That way, you don't have to worry about eating up all the dairy and meat in the house. Gram has gone to a family reunion today so I can eat my bacon-wrapped steak. But the positives of living with a non-faster can't eclipse the negatives. Even though this fast is just short of three weeks longs, it'll be long enough to weigh on my nerves and I can't always ignore Gram's comments and questions about why I fast. It's not something she's ever been accustomed to and it can stress me out sometimes. But I feel more prepared this time. I've gone through our cupboards and found boxes and cans that need to be used up. We're running out of space in the kitchen. I've also found more fasting recipes to try that should be healthier than eating PB & J and saltine crackers. And it should be better than giving up and going back to normal food.

That's all for now. I hope for more exciting things to write about in the future.

Until next time,

~Staci~